I can't be held responsible for the things I say or write...
9.29.2009
Dumber for having read that...
That's an appropriate way for me to feel right about now. I just read a story about how a suspect, thought to be an army vet, stabbed another person to death because they bumped shoulders while walking past each other. Apparently, witnesses say the 2 men were taking off their coats as if preparing for a fight and then the vet stabbed the other dude to death.
So, I'm dumber for reading this story to begin with. I'm dumber because if you believe any of these accounts without considering the source (NY Post) you should be shot.
Then, I read the comments and I realize there is no helping anyone in our society. Seriously. The quotes talk of people feeling they made the right life decision to leave NYC because people took their coats off to fight. No, that's right. That's the last straw. I can't believe someone took his coat off prior to a fight. I'm done. I'm so glad I left NYC because if I hadn't, that would be the last straw.
Then you have the guy who makes the connection between stabbing someone over a shoulder bump and obnoxious Yankees fans...seriously I didn't see the connection but this guy is right. Dude was supposed to go to the Yankees game but got too drunk and then decided he needed to stab someone...what the fuck is wrong with people.
Then there is the typically racist talk which is amazing that people are that racist or feel the need to share it....and then there are the commentators names. "Mets4eva21" brings some hilarious thoughts to mind. I mean, I'm a big Yankees fan but I've never made any sign on name based on the team. I've never tattooed anything to my body in utter devotion to a professional sports team or anything like that either. I'm pretty accepting for the most part...that is, until someone brandishes an awful tattoo or wear one of those shirts that shares his or her lifestyle choices. We all have them and have seen others in them. I feel like we're allowed to stare in these situations. For example, when I wear my "Volunteering...It doesn't pay" shirt, I have no right to wonder what people are looking at...they're reading my t-shirt and it takes some folks longer to read stuff.
Like homeless people usually need more time. Or my cousin Rodney's little retarded sister...it takes her a while to read t-shirts. You might wonder why, right? Mainly because she is only 5 and never learned to read.
OK, confession time. I have no cousin named Rodney and he does not have a little retarded sister but this is the first one of these in a while and I had to throw some shock and awe in there.
But there is definitely a Rodney out there with a little retarded sister. It's science. If 1 out of every 12,132 people is named Rodney and of those 12,123 Rodney's, 47 of them have little retarded siblings and of those 45 siblings, 19 of them are girls...so you see how the numbers play out here. It's science.
Now you might be saying the numbers keep changing and that's true...because science is forever changing. Regardless of me changing a few numbers here or there, the facts remain the facts...after all, my changing of the numbers can easily be attributed to the always changing nature of science and I think I should be commended for staying so in touch with the present. I'm so in the moment that I can be understood. It's hard to be me.
Actually, lately it's been all right. School is back is session but things are going fine. Also, I lost like 15 points in the last 3 weeks and am officially not all that fat anymore. That's right. I'm back in frisbee shape...sort of. I'm sort of frisbee skinny but really I'm just on a diet. South Beach Diet, bitches. It's pretty sweet...but no fucking frisbee on the horizon. eff that.
It's Prison Break recap time!!! No it's not. It's been months since I've been around so I won't write to the Prison Break side of support that reads these diatribes...though the final Prison Break episode is solely available on DVD/Blu Ray and since I have a Blu Ray player.........Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll Netflix it.
Speaking of Netflix, my summer has been spent catching up on those classics you're supposed to see but often never do. They range from older movies like "Raging Bull" and "Platoon" to "Million Dollar Baby" and "Semi Pro."
That's right, "Semi Pro." That movie was awful. Can we stop supporting Will Ferrell now? He's not really all that funny. The guy from "The Hangover" tried to be Will Ferrell and that was just as embarrassing as actually being Will Ferrell. People watch SNL because of the history it has of being funny. It goes through periods where it is just not funny at all anymore and then every 10 years or so someone comes along and rescues the show. The last time it was funny was when Will Ferrell was on it. I think he's used up all that good credit he earned from making SNL funny again. Seriously, stop supporting Will Ferrell.
Other than Netflix, I've been playing a lot of basketball. How do you have so much time to watch movies and play basketball? Easy. I don't work over the summer. Summer vacation, folks, is every bit as good as advertised. It's like you have nothing to do and if you do anything you almost feel guilty for having done something. Then you start to think, "Man, if I was really good at summer vacation, I'd be a lot better at Tiger Woods 10 by now." And I should be...though I did play on line with the tall Jack, not the Fight Club Jack, and I won pretty easily. No offense Jack...I mean I don't really do much so I play a lot of Tiger Woods 10 and you have to go to work.
Why am I writing to Jack...it's not like he's reading this...no one is...and that's OK with me because I don't need you, you bastards. I hate you. I just can't stand you.
Yeah, I also just shouldn't be taken seriously. Rogue Dead Guy Ale is a great top off to a full day of movies and basketball spliced with a little bit of Tiger Woods 10. Sweeeet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he needs a good talking to. Maybe he is changing into something he shouldn't be. Maybe he is ending sentences with prepositions. Who really knows. But sometimes, a man needs a talking to and who better to give it to him than an 11 year old fat mexican kid from the bronx. right?
We have a dress code at my school. Kids have to wear a uniform and keep their shirts tucked in. Pretty simple and straight forward. We never have problems with the kids not wearing the uniform but they sure love to not tuck in their shirts. Popular reasons range from, "it looks stupid" to "it looks gay." The most frequently heard one is the latter.
Last Friday was a good deal for all intents and purposes. The sun was shining, the weekend was on the horizon, there was a baseball game that afternoon and I was in a good mood. Second period was about to begin and this kid didn't have his shirt tucked in. I asked him to tuck it in and he got a little wise, so I pulled him out of line and asked him to tuck in his shirt again. He talked back again, so I decided today would be the day I stopped allowing this little punk to talk back. With a smile on my face I told him to stop talking back and tuck in his shirt. He spoke back so I repeated myself. This happened twice more, to the point where I began a little lecture for him on what talking back was and told him to shut his mouth and tuck in his shirt. He decided to turn slightly away from me and say, "Bitch."
It was awesome. I heard him clearly and he knew it. I said, "What did you say?" and he said he didn't say anything. I asked him again what he said, his face went white and then he said, "I said OK." He didn't say OK. He called me a bitch...and I laughed. I was right in his face (probably a no no) trying to get him to admit what he said so I could hear it out of his mouth again. I was loving this and laughing my ass off on the inside and barely being able to control it on the outside. I told him this is a very big deal and asked what he said and he admitting to "saying a bad word." I responded, "Yes you did, no come with me." We went to the principal's office. The assistant principal was walking out of the office and I told her he called me a bitch. She gave a shocked look and had him sit in the office. I was loving this because I was getting to curse for free at school and I couldn't get over the fact that a 4'3" kid with more necks than me called me a bitch. The principal was in the office and she asked what happened. I told her he called me a bitch and she responded, "You called a teacher that? At this school? Get your mother on the phone."
Our go-to at school is to call the parents when anything happens. He said his mom didn't have a cell phone, to which the principal responded, "I don't care what your mother doesn't have. You get her on the phone immediately." As he began dialing, the principal said to him, "Who's the bitch now!"
IT WAS AMAZING. The assistant principal and I ran out of the office because we couldn't hide out laughter. It was AWESOME. My day was only getting better.
Eventually, his dad came in so we could sit down and make it clear to the kid how big of a deal it was. His father doesn't speak English, so in Spanish he is saying that he needs to apologize. The kid wouldn't apologize at first, which made me laugh again, and then the father said that he was going to take away his computer, gameboy, etc. The kid's response to this? "Por cuando tiempo" aka "For how long?"
AWESOME! He doesn't care he is in trouble. He doesn't care he called the teacher a bitch. He's just curious how long he will be without his privileges if he doesn't apologize.
At that, I laughed out loud and everyone looked at me like what is wrong with me? I expressed that he doesn't get it and that should be that. He eventually apologized but I think he now realizes I get to shit on him whenever I want from now on because of this. It was great. Last Friday was one of my favorite days at school yet.
I've advocated this once and only once. 1 time only in my entire life have I put the infinite, under no circumstance, in no way shape or form, not even with a gun to your head and you'd have to be even smellyier than a turd sandwich or even douchyer than a douchebag to watch the movie: 21.
Just say fuck you. Say fuck you to whoever thinks about recommending this movie. If Netflix recommends this movie to you, throw your computer out the window in protest. A giant eff you goes to whoever bastardized the book or even worse, took what should have been SO EASY TO WRITE and make decent, only no. You had to go and fox it all up with your inaccurate story lines and your horrible choices in actors and just an awful, awful, awful all around script. I'm not a movie critic...mainly because I can watch awful movies. But not this time. You fucked up, people who worked on 21. And I'm cursing this much even though my mom reads this now. Hi mom.
Anyway, don't watch this movie.
Finally, QP Live now on Twitter. Why? Because if my real self went on Twitter, I'd have to kill myself.
is amazing. Mainly because Ruddiger wasn't there. Just kidding. That was my little joke last post. I don't hate Ruddiger. I don't not like him at all. He's just swell. So if I made anyone uncomfortable or caused anyone to spontaneously make fun of me for the last month because of a fictitious disliking of someone, I'd just like to say I was kidding.
Is fictitious the right word? I wanted to write fictionous but I don't think that's a word. It should be though.
Anyway, this is my guidebook to the Dominican Republic.
The wife and I flew in on a Saturday landing around 1 pm. We walked through customs and all that fairly simply, collected our baggage and then walked the red carpet. For anyone that's never been to a Central American, Latin American or Caribbean country, the red carpet is when you walk out of the airport through 2 lines of cab driver and other assorted random people who look like they want to offer you a ride, take your money or dance with your dates. Either way, this is usually where I start to freak out a little. But not this time. This time, i was focused and ready to go. Why? Well, the first part of our trip was renting a car.
That was easy. Then we got in the car. It was small. It was a Kia Picanto. It was not made for what we did, but that added the fun to it. For starters, the DR has a new highway that is 1 lane in each direction. Fortunately, there are no driving laws in the DR so at first I was nervous but then extremely excited. No laws meant I go to drive like a teenager again only this time with no problems. Passing on the other side of the double yellow, speed limits, cows, all of that was cool. So this little Picanto, myself and the wife get through the highway with no problem and then onto the local roads. Our map comes out of a guidebook so all we have is the street signs and the towns listed on the maps to get us there. This works no problem, save for a little nervousness...but a lot of laughter. Part of the laughter came from this: Those are cows and they were in the middle of the road. AWESOME.
So about 1000 potholes later, we make it to our location: Las Galeras, which is in the far east part of the Samana Peninsula. This place was pretty awesome. It's a small town on a dirt road. The dirt road runs into a beach. The beach there is actually not all that awesome because there is a ton of shit in the water. However, if you swim out 25 feet, you're in clear blue water. We stayed at a hotel type establishment called Villa La Plantacion. This place was pretty sweet too and had a circular pool right outside of our room. Our room is the one on the bottom floor, second from the left. It had a bed and a bathroom...and that was all we needed.
We eventually walked down the beach right there and watched the sunset, so there were redeeming qualities of the location. The next morning we got up and walked as far as we could down the beach, which took us through a resort. A coconut almost fell on us and I got to break it open...that was fun. Eventually we found our way back to our beach and took our only swim in the water. Where we went in was really clear and we saw a lot of little fish swimming around. This would be the only time we'd go in this water. Why? Well....
We knew there were really nice beaches around and knew there was one in walking distance, so off we went. It was about a 20 minute walk through a dirt road that ran by a few homes and eventually put us out on an amazing beach. The water was filled with plant life as well as what looked like an open water part. There appeared to be a path cut out so we could walk out to the swimming spot. It turns out that out there is a bunch of reef formations with a ton of fish, urchins, etc. living and swimming. We brought our goggles with us, so we had some awesome views of marine life. We ended up going to this beach 3 times in total because it was pretty amazing and easy to get to. At no point were there ever more than 20 people on the beach with us. Also, there were 2 restaurants on the beach, one which took 2 hours to bring us food and the other which already had food cooked and waited for you to show up. If we did it again, we'd wait 2 hours because the second place we went was kind of nasty. But hey, you can't beat the fact that it's got it's head on it still, right?
Our days pretty much consisted of what beach did we want to go to that day? The best beach to see is Playa Rincon. We had an offer for $55 each to not only go to Rincon but also get a tour of most of Las Galeras. On this trip we were taken by a fruit stand with gigantic avocados, taken to a what was called a plantation where they grew all sorts of vegetables as well chocolate...it grows on trees? Also, they grew their own coffee beans, so we sat down and had a small glass...and we met some of the local kids. These kids saw us drive by and chased us down the dirt path that our tour guide drove us down on his dirt bike and our ATV. Oh yeah, I got to drive an ATV all freakin day! It was great. The roads were not good. They were rocky, filled with giant holes, water, whatever, but it was the shit.
So after the plantation, we eventually made our way to the best beach I've ever been to in my life. It was the clearest water I've ever been in...including pools. We tried to measure how deep it was in certain spots where it was completely clear and we estimated around 14 feet. Our scientific way of measuring was the wife would swim to the bottom and I'd push myself underwater until I stood on her shoulders. My head was still a few feet under, so there you have it. This is where we had our lunch...with this view. Just amazing.
Eventually we got back on the road and raced a kid on a horse. Seriously. We were going around 25 mph when he caught up and passed us. It was cool. He then slowed down to stop and his little brother who tried to keep up almost ran right into the back of him with his horse. Sweet.
Our tour ended at what was called "El Boca Del Diablos" or The Mouth of the Devils. Why? Well, apparently, the water crashes below these rocks and makes this howling noise through a hole in the rocks. It was a calm day at sea so there wasn't too much noise but the wind coming through was pretty crazy.
It was totally worth the money we spent on it. If you ever go down there, go to Augusto Tours and do this trip. We saw so many amazing things that we would never had seen if we drove to that beach on our own...plus I got to drive the ATV, so yeah, it's worth it.
The next day we decided to go to this other beach that was spoken highly of called Playa Fronton. It was amazing too. Why? Because swimming in there was like swimming in an aquarium as the wife so intelligently put. It seriously was. The water was deep and full of sea life. Reefs, plants, fish, urchins, so many things we saw and it was just as clear as the water at Rincon. Also, this beach was at the foot of the jungle, so it was pretty secluded. There were only 16 other people there and I know this because we all took 2 boats back...at the beginning of a storm...with the water incredibly rough and choppy. We were on tiny wooden boats going by huge rock formations and getting drenched. It was a perfect ending to an amazing beach.
Also, once we first got to the beach, this guy came up and said he would cut us down a coconut so we could drink the milk. It was amazing. This dude just walked up the tree, cut 2 down, cut them open and handed them over. When we were down, i broke one completely open and we ate the coconut inside.
From there, we just spent our days at the beach and our evenings at one of the 6 local restaurants. It was extremely relaxing and pleasant. We managed to meet about 10 Americans, most of whom were from New York, 2 of which live about 10 blocks from us. Besides that, most people were French. Lots of French folk. The guy who ran our hotel was also a Frenchman. Not sure what this means, but just letting you know, you know?
Where we were wasn't the cheapest place, however. We spent about $30-40 a meal and because we didn't have a kitchen, all of our meal were out. That gave us a great chance to sample the local cuisine as well as spend all that money we work so hard to earn.
Our last day was spent in Santo Domingo. This meant we got back in our Kia Picanto, drove over all the potholes again, back on the highway and into a downtown city. It was really exciting to drive in this kind of environment and a little crazy, but I'm happy i had a chance to do it. I'm also happy we went to Santo Domingo because that means if we go back to the DR, we can spend our entire time in Las Galeras. We spent our day in Santo Domingo touring around the historic part of Santo Domingo. Unfortunately, I pissed someone off and ended up in jail. Oops.
The best part about our trip was that every day I was surprised. Surprised by the quality of the beaches, surprised by the amazing views, surprised by the ride on the boat that was also scary and surprised by the level of comfort I felt there. The only part that wasn't enjoyable was writing this post...because it means that this vacation is over and it was one of the best I've ever had.
What the hell is a suggie you ask? Well, it's a suggestion stupid.
Of late I've had some interesting events take part in my life. I recently scored more than 10 points in a basketball game. I recently attended alumni weekend where I decided I hate ruddiger. So, Ruddiger, if you're reading this....FUCK YOU RUDDIGER.
I got a blackberry but only know 1 person to blackberry message with.
I can put my itunes songs on my blackberry....only I don't have itunes.
LOST started again. I decided after the opening 2 episodes that with all this time travel and dudes in jail (not trying to spoil anything here) that it officially jumped the shark. Then I watched the 3rd episode of the season and IT'S AWESOME.
24 is back but who knew?
SCRUBS is back in full effect. It's actually funny and not shitty again. Plus there is a guy who shares the same as yours truly on it, so I dig it.
I saw my first fight at school. A 6th grade boy slapped a 7th grade girl in the face. She screamed "Don't you fucking slap me [n word]" and then slapped him. He fell and so she kicked him while he was down. it was hilarious. I happened in front of 26 other 6th graders and 25 8th graders. I spent the walk up to the 5th floor with the class wondering if I could get away without bringing this fight to the attention of the principal. I decided I couldn't. When I told the assistant principal what happened, she smacked both kids in the forehead with the palm of her hand. it was even more hilarious.
I had a flashback yesterday to working at the law firm and started freaking out at work. actually, i had a couple of flashbacks yesterday and I'm still fucking freaking out over here. It doesn't help that the dr. is at work until midnight all week and I go to bed at 9 (exaggeration) so i get no adult conversation outside of work and the blackberry messenger. When I say going to bed at 9 is an exaggeration it's because I actually have been going to bed around 7:45 and asleep before 8:30!!!
Also, yesterday on the bus, an undercover cop kept pulling people off the bus who tried to walk on through the backdoor. NO HOMO ON THESE BUSES MOFUKAS. The bus driver was also waiting for everyone to be behind the white line until she would drive. It was a small, very crowded bus. Then this one dude started yelling at the bus driver to drive the fucking bus so we just sat there for an extra bit. It was pretty funny when other people would ask, "can I please just slap this [n word]?" Then the yelling guy would say I dare you and then someone would say step off the bus and say that and then the yelling guy would say the exact words back only sarcastically....and then the whole bus would start cracking up. It was fun.
I took a student's cell phone the other day because no cell phones are allowed at school. Parents have to then come and pick them up. The mother called me and bitched about how the phone wasn't out and I shouldn't have taken it. Then she said that even though I'm a good teacher, I need to start thinking about the fact the kids are just out of elementary school and I need to change the way I speak and act towards them. Then she said some students are afraid of me and she is considering pulling her child out of the school simply because of me. I stopped listening too intently after she told me I was a good teacher. I was like, "SWEET". Then I tried to explain my rationale for taking the phone and it sounded pretty silent on the other end. Her mom had hung up. I really wanted to call back and say, "I'm sorry, we must have got disconnected" but I decided to be a bigger person.
On bigger person notes, I started running again. The wife and I have been going on yogs around central park. We run together for the majority and then at the end I start running at a fast pace. It's an awesome feeling to be able to kick it into high gear with a smile on my face. I missed that. I wouldn't be able to do that if I didn't spend 80 - 90% of the run at that pace, but I still enjoy what I refer to as, "opening it up".
On that note, happy new year. The slogans are slacking this year, so I don't really want to put anything here yet. Until then, I'm open to suggies.
I mean, it could be fuck you ruddiger in 09 but that doesn't rhyme.
1. Snow storms leading to good moods. I've never seen someone be in a bad mood when a snow storm is taking place. Holy use of passive voice in that sentence.
2. Prison Break seemingly making me a bigger and bigger fan no matter how many times they introduce new characters that I hate and say "That's it. I'm done with this show." Of course, then I go Opus Dei on myself for ever thinking such a terrible thing about the best show ever created. I mean the Company just saved Scofield's life. THE COMPANY. SCOFIELD. poop merc?
3. The ability of a man, a video camera, cats, the holiday season, youtube and a shitload of talent to produce this:
4. That in the Bo-De-Ga (anyone pick up which movie I'm referencing?) next to my apartment, you can buy beer singles. The six packs (cans of course) have different beers connected in that weird plastic thing that claimed Flipper's life. So I went ahead and bought a six pack of tall boy Colt 45's. Why? Because when a holiday miracle such as tall boy Colt 45's is put in front of you, you fucking praise the lord for making this miracle possible.
5. The black button on the bottom of the E-Z-Cheese canister. Did you know if you remove that black button, the cheese no longer flows? Who knew?
